My husband and I have been married for 5 years. When we met he was a virgin (at 38). He said it was for religious reasons that he's never had sex...which, at first, sounds really sweet....until you realize that he's not a very "religious" person otherwise (cusses a lot, lies quite a bit, rarely goes to church, etc). So that was my first red flag. When we have sex it's always ONLY "missionary position", lights out, no foreplay, and he crawls on top of me, does his business. NO KISSING. NO INTIMACY. NADA. I tried wearing a sexy nightgown for him and he just looks at me like a ten year old and shies away. I've asked him to make sex more enjoyable for me, and he just dismisses me and says "it's not his thing". People have asked me if he's gay? He is a really "manly" kind of man. Very outdoorsy, and doesn't fit any stereotype of "gay"...but everything else about his demeanor is a screaming red flag. Before he and I met he was very close to a man who was very obviously gay, and this man was extremely upset when he learned that we had gotten together...and when I confronted my husband about it he said, "who cares if he's gay, he doesn't act on it, and that's all that matters". WOAH! What does any of this mean? What do I do?
ANSWER: Your husband is as gay as a long summer's day. SUPER. DUPER. CLOSETED. CANNOT COME TO TERMS WITH HIS SEXUALITY GAY.
Lots of men in relationships with women are gay, and they can't deal with it, because it's not as easy for men as it is for women. SUCKS that this is the reality of our world, but it is. What should you do? I have no idea. Here's what I would do however.
1. Make rules for what you want in your relationship and do not deviate. Tell him how important sex is to you, and (more importantly) intimacy. Make sure he understands that you need foreplay, and kissing, and touching...not just fucking.
See if he'll meet you halfway. I mean, if he's truly NOT gay, just sexually shy...he'll be willing to figure this out for you.
2. If he refuses to meet you halfway here...move on.
Sex is a huge part of relationships. And it's not fair to be in a monogamous relationship with someone who doesn't care about your needs. You deserve better. Honestly, so does he.
And IF HE IS GAY, can I please BEG OF YOU to not shame him. Love him through this. Clearly he has some deep seeded issues and needs to be loved through them.
Having sex with my husband has been chalked up in my mind to "just another wifely duty I have to fulfill, like doing laundry". And it's actually less satisfying than doing laundry because at least I get something out of having clean clothes. He crawls on top of me, cums quick and then he falls fast asleep snoring. I've tried talking to him about it and he flippantly suggests I buy a vibrator and handle it myself. I told him I had been faking it and he actually responded by saying "that's not my problem". So what do I do? Cheat? Buy a vibrator? Tell him to fuck off? Leave him? What would you do?
ANSWER: What would I do? I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who is so callously uncaring about my needs. Sex is a big part of a relationship, and to have a partner who doesn't give a shit about your needs is pathetic.
So, what would I do? I'd stop having sex with him until he started listening to me. You teach people how to treat you. Why are you letting him crawl on top of you and use your hole for his own pleasure, while you're getting nothing out it?
It is YOUR FAULT you're not having orgasms, that's actually a correct statement. You know why most men are bad in bed? Because most women fake it. Can you imagine how much better he would be by now had you ever just been honest from day one?
1. Stop having sex. And tell him that you will be happy to have sex (excited actually) when he's ready to meet you half way here and listen to what you want and need. You're not a fucking portal. And your vagina isn't a fucking sex toy that can be discarded after use. Fuck that.
2. Make sure you know what you want? Oral sex? Longer sex? Foreplay? Be honest and be direct about. "I would like for you to go down on me every single time you want to stick your penis into my vagina...so at least there's a little excitement and pleasure for me".
I mean, seriously ;) I'd say that.
3. Buy a vibrator anyway...because, I mean EVERY WOMAN ON THIS PLANET SHOULD OWN ONE. And also, it helps enhance intercourse anyway (it also helps enhance your life, period). Use it on him too. Let him see how much better sex can be if you both are open to exploring new ideas...together!
And in the end, he will love you all the more for not allowing him to continue to be a super douche canoe!!!
WHAT YOU PUT UP WITH, YOU"LL END UP WITH!!!
I've been married for 13 years. Unlucky 13, I know. 10 of them have been miserable. Seriously. I won't get into the details of why or how it all fell apart. But I feel stuck, and if I stay in this marriage I will continue to fall into a deeper depression than I already have. What is step 1 of moving on?
ANSWER: Step 1 has already been done it sounds like. It's making a decision. THE HARDEST STEP OF ALL. Make a decision and STICK TO IT. You know you want more, you both deserve more, and can both have more. Believe that, and move towards it. Step 2, is creating a game plan, and sticking to that too. Step by step.
My wife told me that she wants to have a threesome. Shocking, I know. Usually it's the husband's wanting this, right? But she said she's been fantasizing lately about women. Hey, I'm a guy. At first the thought kind of turned me on. And then, it started worrying me. If I don't do it, I'll seem like a prude. And if I do...I feel like I"m really putting my marriage out on the line, and this could be the beginning of the end. What would you do?
Answer: Call me traditional but I am not into the "threesome" thing at all. However, I know it's a "thing" for many couples. My advice to you is that you should NEVER EVER EVER DO ANYTHING you feel uncomfortable doing. You'll eventually resent it. And it will be something that separates you, and becomes a thorn in the side of your, clearly "already laden with many issues", marriage. But...that's just my thoughts :)
If you choose to have a threesome (especially feeling how you're feeling), you may as well find a divorce attorney next. No chance will this work in your best interest.
Your wife wants a free pass to cheat, if this isn't something you condone, and she's still pushing....that is all that means!
My husband and I have been married for a little over 10 years now. He works away on business and is going 5 out of 7 days of the week, while I stay at home and raise our 5 year old daughter. I'll keep a long story short and tell you that he and I rarely connect anymore in any intimate way, or emotionally. However I will admit he's a great dad, and a great provider for our family. Recently I met a man who makes me feel appreciated, and who makes me laugh. I mentioned to my husband that I had met this new friend, and (to be honest I'm not sure why) I also mentioned to him that he makes me feel good about myself in ways my husband doesn't. My new friend and I went to dinner, and my husband flipped out on me. He said it's inappropriate for a man to take another man's wife to dinner when it's just the two of them alone, but I think he flipped out because he's jealous that someone makes me feel good when he doesn't. I'll be honest, I kind of liked the attention, probably from both of them. What do you think? Is it wrong?
Okay. First of all, take some responsibility for your own feelings and actions, and grow up. NO ONE can MAKE YOU FEEL anything at all. It sounds to me like your husband is a good father and provider, yet doesn't cater to your every need for attention and therefore you're flirting with being unfaithful in your marriage, and certainly already being disloyal, all for what? Stop putting this off on your husband. It is YOUR SOLE responsibly to make yourself feel good about yourself. Not his. And if you feel like he's not being as intimate as you'd like, talk to him about it. DO things that encourage more intimacy...don't just complain, and bitch incessantly (as I assume you do). Back to your question. Is it wrong to go out to dinner wth a man while you're married? NO, not at all. Unless you're going to dinner with a man who makes you feel things your husband doesn't and you're doing it for attention, and self-worth issues, and to get a rise from your husband. Then yes, IT totally is wrong...and really shitty of you to even consider it.
My husband has spent the past 13 years of our relationship without technology. He barely remembers where he puts his cell phone and forgets it half the time before leaving for work. He's never had a Facebook page and basically thinks social media is for "girls". And then all of the sudden he's started working late and not coming home for dinner, working extra on the weekends (which he has never done before) and gone for hours and hours at a time, and not only does he not ever lose his cell phone, it's usually in his hands most of the time, including when we're watching tv or having dinner. I looked at it a few days ago and there's a passcode on it, which he has also never had before. When I asked him why he put a passcode on it he said it's because he doesn't want our daughter getting into his phone. She's 2. In my heart I think there is something going on. I can't bare to ask my friends or family what they think because what if he's not and now I've put this doubt in their heads about him. Any advice?
Is he cheating? Probably...in some way or another. (OR at least considering it, flirting with the idea of it, or just flirting inappropriate period).
There's never a change in behavior without a change in circumstance. NOBODY changes behavior for absolutely no reason at all.
HOW TO HANDLE:
Tell him you feel really uneasy about this and need to be assured there's nothing going on. Be HONEST with him. IF HE IS NOT CHEATING he will lovingly be willing to explain his behavior...if he is, he'll get defensive, call you names, say you're bring crazy, and be as dismissive as possible.
By the way, if he is defensive and refuses to help you through this process...RUN.
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR SPOUSE IS CHEATING ON YOU.
1. Change of behavior
2. Suddenly needs to "work late"
3. Suddenly needs "alone time"
4. Has a new password on phone
5. Keeps personal things on lockdown
6. Growing distant emotionally, mentally or sexually
7. Has a new message app on their phone (this is probably the biggest red flag)
8. Suddenly carries a tooth brush and mouthwash and cologne everywhere
9. Says they're going somewhere and ends up somewhere else (often)
10. Speaks in code, and/or refuses to speak to someone in front of you.