#1 You no longer care to finish arguments.
When you have reached a point in the relationship when, “right or wrong”, you actually just don’t even care to discuss it any longer. It’s a huge sign that you’ve checked out. Apathy is an obvious indication of a relationship being over. It’s not a choice. True apathy isn’t a cognitive decision. It’s a realization that you truly just don’t care. Perhaps your spouse is pissed at something, or accusing you of something, etc. and your visceral reaction is true indifference. Your marriage is over.
#2 When you stop communicating.
Everyone has to talk to someone at some point. If your spouse isn’t communicating with you, chances are, they are communicating with someone else. When you no longer care to even communicate with someone, your marriage is over.
I see couples all of the time sitting at dinner not talking to one another and I constantly think how sad that would be to be in a relationship where you have nothing to say to one another. How lonely. BUT that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the daily communication of life. Where are you? Where are you going? What are you doing? Who are you doing it with? How long will you be gone? Are you safe?
All couples communicate on a very basic level like this and if and when you stop it’s a clear sign your relationship is over.
#3 One spouse is refusing to try.
There’s simply no chance any relationship between two people can work if one of them no longer has a desire to make it work. If you’re in a relationship with someone who is at this point, walk away now and save yourself the trouble. They’re done; it’s over. It’s hard enough when two people are working together, it’s impossible if only one is.
#4 The respect is gone.
When you no longer respect your partner the relationship is over. You can’t build a life with someone you don’t respect. Once you realize you no longer have respect for your spouse you must choose whether or not it is something you could regain. Can you rebuild the lost respect? Will your spouse do what’s necessary to help make that happen? (see rule #3). If not, it’s over. Move on. Respect is paramount and key to a healthy relationship.
#5 No one wants to compromise.
Even in the best of relationships all couples compromise at some point. When you’re with someone who is no longer willing to compromise it is a sign that your relationship is over. No one who truly loved someone would refuse to compromise in a relationship. Compromise is a part of all relationships.
When someone says they’re no longer willing to compromise what they’re actually saying is “I don’t care if you leave me over this”. So you should consider whether or not the uncompromised issue is worthy of walking away for.
#6 When your long-term goals (or dreams) are no longer supported by your partner.
When you have specific goals in life that your partner doesn’t support, whether you realize it in the moment or not, your marriage (or your dream) is over. IF your spouse doesn’t support your dreams you must eventually choose one over the other because you can’t have someone in your corner who isn’t actually IN YOUR CORNER. And you will eventually resent them for not supporting you…IF you do or DON’T “make it”.
#7 When you start talking shit about your spouse.
Every couple on this planet has problems and issues they need to work through, and sometimes we need to vent when we’re frustrated. However there is a huge difference between “venting” and “talking shit”.
I recently spoke to a woman who told me she thinks her husband is a dumbass and he’s never going to do shit with his life. That’s not venting. She went on to tell me about he could never keep a job for more than a year. How he’s such a disappointment and failure in life. This isn’t venting. This relationship is over. No one who truly loved, cared for, or respected their spouse would ever speak of them in this way.
Frustrated? Get it out to a close, trustworthy source. But NEVER ever should you speak about them on this type of level that shows a clear indignant feeling of disrespect. If you can truly speak about your spouse like this, your marriage is definitely over.
#8 When your future seems better without them, not worse.
When you can look at your future and see a better, brighter, more promising, happier, healthier, fuller future without your spouse in it then I think it’s safe to say your marriage is over. But fear not…you’ve just determined that you have a better, brighter, more promising, happier, healthier future ahead of you…that’s awesome with or without them! YAY.
#9 When you no longer trust them.
When you get a point where you truly no longer trust your spouse and you are incapable of rebuilding that trust then it’s safe to say your marriage is over. Lots of couples go through issues where trust is lost in relationships. Breaking down and rebuilding, on many levels, IS part of marriage. However, if you get to a point where that trust cannot be rebuilt, your marriage is over. You can’t possibly be in a healthy, long-lasting relationship with anyone you can’t ultimately trust.
#10 When there is no remorse for wrongdoing.
If you ever get to a point where an obvious “wrong doing” or breach in your relationship isn’t met with remorse your marriage is over. This is the classic “I’m glad I cheated” syndrome. When you’re glad you did something that broke apart your marriage I think it’s safe to say it’s time to pack your bags.
Have anything to add to this blog? Let me know. Have any comments? Let me hear them! ;)