I have to tell you...I originally wrote this blog on 5.21.14...and then just today (December 23, 2017) I re-read it, and I thought, "Wow, I wouldn't write any of this anymore". It's amazing how much I've changed. To read this actually reminded me of how much I needed this to happen in my life...
I've changed so much since my brother's death that his death now holds such meaningful and significant purpose in my life that I feel grateful that he played this role for me.
So I'm going to re-write this blog for you, from a much more GROWTH ORIENTED, and less painful position.
THE FIVE RULES TO GRIEVING, by Kristy Sinsara
Instantly recognize that there's a HUGE difference between grieving the loss of a relationship due to death, and that person no longer being physically present in your life....AND your own personal issues that you may have had throughout your relationship with this person.
I was sad beyond sad (It's stupid to even use the stupid word sad because "sad" doesn't describe at all how I felt)...but I was also broken internally because I had so much guilt, and anger, and loss over so many things that happened between my brother and I while he was alive.
When Scott died I was instantly dealing with this death...but I also know how that his death exponentially accelerated the growth that needed to happen with my issues about his life with me. I wasn't JUST dealing with this death when he died...I was suddenly forced to deal with all of the issues surrounding his life as well, and our life together.
And let me tell you, if you haven't done your work with someone BEFORE they died...it gets harder to deal with after! Not easier!
So it's important that you recognize that you're not just grieving, you're also growing and being forced to deal with things you've probably been sweeping under the rug your whole life. Make sure you differentiate the two.
Don't listen to people and their stupid shit they say to you when people die. It's annoying. It's irritating, and it's debilitating! One person said ONE SINGLE thing to me that I actually found healing...an older gentleman walked into my office after Scott died and he said, "I heard your brother died. That sucks. My brother died 30 years ago and you know what? I'm still grieving. Best piece of advice for you kid is to just let yourself be sad when you need to feel sad. Everyone kept trying to get me to stop being sad and I couldn't understand why. There will always be a part of you that's sad, but eventually you learn to cope and move on in a different way. Don't fight the sadness".
There are no accidents in the Universe. You must understand that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! I know it's hard to hear, but it's true! And much like my blog post above this one, you also have to understand that YOU called this forth long before your soul descended here. I know, especially for those whose deaths are so unexpected, that it's a hard transition for us still here on planet earth...but it IS okay.
Death is a step up in consciousness. It's a transition. It's NOT the end. It's the beginning of something else, for them, and for you.
We all transition. We all leave this planet. And we all take new form.
Learn to be grateful for their life, and stop fixating on their death. This is probably one of the most important life lessons of all here...to stop getting fixated on what you perceive to be the "negative" or the "wrong". Focus and fixate on the "right" and the "positive".
I am SO glad, and feel so grateful that OF ALL THE BROTHERS IN ALL THE WORLD HE CAME TO ME. He lived with me. And he died for me too. Long before our souls descended upon this planet together we made this pact together...to do this FOR each other.
Don't let their deaths be in vain. Let them mean something to you...and let that legacy not just be a life long prison of pain and sadness. Your loved one would never want that for you. They aren't looking down at you here on earth grateful that you refuse to move on.
Be better because of this.
Be stronger because of this.
Be more kind, more compassionate, more giving and loving, and far more aware of time...and life...and loved ones, all because of this!
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