Are You Tired Of The Struggle? Top 5 Ways To Get Your Life Back In Alignment, After Another Devastating Blow. By Kristy Sinsara
I get it. Trust me... I. GET. IT.
I've been there. Many times over. I've been in that space where you're just wondering what the fuck happened to your life? How did things get so bad? How did you get into "this" situation...again? How did you end up in that relationship, with that shitty job, in this crappy situation...or lonely...again?
It's always the "again" part that gets us every time.
They say, "The first cut is the deepest"? I disagree. For me, it feels like that 2nd and 10th and 25th cut is the deepest. You're pouring salt over an open wound by this point so of course it's going to hurt the worse, right? And self inflicted pain always hurts worse too, which is exactly what a cyclical problem feels like...self induced trauma.
So if you ever find yourself in (another) fucked up situation that's gotten you down in life, or somehow brought you to your knees (again)...here's my top 5 list of what to focus on to get your head of the negative energy, and life back in alignment.
Rule #1. Perspective. Understand that whatever the fuck you're going through is only temporary. This is only a moment. Most people fall into depression, and the shitty "moments" end up lasting a life time because they refuse to allow it to"only be a moment". I mean, you're allowed to be dramatic for a minute...but not so dramatic that you refuse to move forward.
Be hurt. Fall to your knees. Scream, "Why meeeeeeee". Blah Blah. Throw your fist to the skies (as if this were all God's fault). Do whatever you do when you feel shitty...but then let that shit go.
He left you. You got fired. Something happened that wasn't fair. She cheated on you. They hurt you. It's all life dude...we've all been there and done that. And the only way people like me get ahead while other's stay behind is because I'm able to immediately put myself in check and say, "Okay...enough. Time to move on."
This is life. Stop being so dramatic. People leave. People cheat. People hurt. People fail. People fuck up. One of my friends got divorced like 3 years ago and I swear to God if you talked to her you'd think her husband just left yesterday. And I'm like, "Jesus Christ woman...at some point you're going to have to realize that you've actually hurt yourself far worse now than he ever did".
Life is hard. Refusing to move forward actually makes it much harder!
Rule #2. Stop judging the situation so much. There are no accidents in the Universe. I get that something didn't go "as planned", but trust me, that doesn't mean it didn't go as it was supposed to. There's a HUGE difference between YOUR plan (with your limited human capacity of thinking), and your LIFE plan...
Long before your soul descended to earth you agreed to be willing to put yourself in any situation needed to bring you back to wholeness, to truth, to love, to light, and into alignment with your divine nature. "Him leaving" was actually YOUR plan. You manifested it. You conjured up this entire scenario for your own personal growth. So....Dude, get a grip. Take some control and power back and say, "Hell yeah it was"...and go on with your big bad self.
And tell yourself anytime something happens that you didn't expect that just because it wasn't YOUR expectation doesn't mean it wasn't right for you!
Rule #3. (For the love of God)...Learn your lesson. GROW through life, don't just GO through it. If you refuse to learn the lesson at hand each and every time you fall to your knees...you will find yourself back on your knees feeling the same way.
You will manifest the same shit with another person, over and over and over, until you are finally awakened to truth.
It is your responsibility to take all of these things and GROW form them, grow because of them, through them and with them.
Life lessons aren't like public school, where if you fail you get to still pass and move on to the next grade. Nope. The Universe is a killer Private Education Provider and it will NOT let you pass until you have learned the lesson at hand.
So while you're laying there wallowing around your bathroom floor, with mascara running down your face wondering "why did this happen"...if you truly don't ever want to feel this way again, than literally ANSWER THE QUESTION...don't just ask it!
Why did this happen, what was I to learn from this, how was I responsible for getting myself into this (again), and what can I learn from it to make sure I stop manifesting this kind of fresh horse shit in my life.
Oh, and PS on the "life lesson here". If you think you're always a victim in every scenario, you should grow up and start taking some responsibility for your actions. No one is "always" a victim. Literally. No. One.
Oh and (PSS), if you really want to grow (like on epic proportions), than be GRATEFUL that it happened, maybe even write your ex a letter of gratitude for offering you some great perspective, life challenge, growth opportunity, etc...and truly feel the gratitude for being willing to finally have an opportunity to shut the door on this kind of shit in your life and MOVE. ON.
Rule #4. Make a plan. Give yourself a specific time period to grieve, be pissed, stay down, be annoyingly sad, or pathetically purposeless...but then stick to your plan and move on.
I'm not kidding here people, if you're going through some kind of epic fresh horse shit right now, write on a calendar RIGHT NOW, the date you promise to get off of your knees and back on your feet, and participating in your life again. Say, "I am going to give myself until Friday of next week to finish with this bullshit drama inside of me...and then I'm moving the fuck on in life".
You have to be better to yourself than anyone else is. If someone treated you badly and you're hurt over it...it's okay to be hurt (we're all human beings right now) but it's not okay to stay hurt (because technically we're spiritual beings just having a human experience).
It's okay to BE hurt.
It's not okay to STAY hurt.
It's okay to BE hurt.
It's not okay to STAY hurt.
It's okay to BE hurt.
It's not okay to STAY hurt.
Rule #5. Change your life. Change your daily routines. After a breakup I like to make it a point to completely change up my daily routine, to a point that my life seems unrecognizable from before.
Take my 30 day challenge if you're going through something difficult and, AFTER YOUR CALENDARED day to move on, then promise yourself to do one single thing different than you've ever done before in your life, for 30 solid days.
Go to a new church. Meet new friends. Eat at new restaurants. Go to a play you've never seen. Take a voice lesson. Record a song. Help someone. Volunteer. It doesn't matter what you do...just do something different for 30 solid days (every day). And yes, every day needs to be something new. Like you can't sit and play the piano every day for 30 days...you have to do something new every day for 30 days.
Trust me...it changes your energy. And that energy change will change your perspective, and that perspective change will change your life.
If you're willing to change the way you see things, then what you see will also change!
Lastly, be brave. Be courageous. Be better to yourself than anyone has ever been to you. Be wild and free. Be willing to change. Be willing to do something you've never done, and desire to become someone you've never been.
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I have to tell you...I originally wrote this blog on 5.21.14...and then just today (December 23, 2017) I re-read it, and I thought, "Wow, I wouldn't write any of this anymore". It's amazing how much I've changed. To read this actually reminded me of how much I needed this to happen in my life...
I've changed so much since my brother's death that his death now holds such meaningful and significant purpose in my life that I feel grateful that he played this role for me.
So I'm going to re-write this blog for you, from a much more GROWTH ORIENTED, and less painful position.
THE FIVE RULES TO GRIEVING, by Kristy Sinsara
Instantly recognize that there's a HUGE difference between grieving the loss of a relationship due to death, and that person no longer being physically present in your life....AND your own personal issues that you may have had throughout your relationship with this person.
I was sad beyond sad (It's stupid to even use the stupid word sad because "sad" doesn't describe at all how I felt)...but I was also broken internally because I had so much guilt, and anger, and loss over so many things that happened between my brother and I while he was alive.
When Scott died I was instantly dealing with this death...but I also know how that his death exponentially accelerated the growth that needed to happen with my issues about his life with me. I wasn't JUST dealing with this death when he died...I was suddenly forced to deal with all of the issues surrounding his life as well, and our life together.
And let me tell you, if you haven't done your work with someone BEFORE they died...it gets harder to deal with after! Not easier!
So it's important that you recognize that you're not just grieving, you're also growing and being forced to deal with things you've probably been sweeping under the rug your whole life. Make sure you differentiate the two.
Don't listen to people and their stupid shit they say to you when people die. It's annoying. It's irritating, and it's debilitating! One person said ONE SINGLE thing to me that I actually found healing...an older gentleman walked into my office after Scott died and he said, "I heard your brother died. That sucks. My brother died 30 years ago and you know what? I'm still grieving. Best piece of advice for you kid is to just let yourself be sad when you need to feel sad. Everyone kept trying to get me to stop being sad and I couldn't understand why. There will always be a part of you that's sad, but eventually you learn to cope and move on in a different way. Don't fight the sadness".
There are no accidents in the Universe. You must understand that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! I know it's hard to hear, but it's true! And much like my blog post above this one, you also have to understand that YOU called this forth long before your soul descended here. I know, especially for those whose deaths are so unexpected, that it's a hard transition for us still here on planet earth...but it IS okay.
Death is a step up in consciousness. It's a transition. It's NOT the end. It's the beginning of something else, for them, and for you.
We all transition. We all leave this planet. And we all take new form.
Learn to be grateful for their life, and stop fixating on their death. This is probably one of the most important life lessons of all here...to stop getting fixated on what you perceive to be the "negative" or the "wrong". Focus and fixate on the "right" and the "positive".
I am SO glad, and feel so grateful that OF ALL THE BROTHERS IN ALL THE WORLD HE CAME TO ME. He lived with me. And he died for me too. Long before our souls descended upon this planet together we made this pact together...to do this FOR each other.
Don't let their deaths be in vain. Let them mean something to you...and let that legacy not just be a life long prison of pain and sadness. Your loved one would never want that for you. They aren't looking down at you here on earth grateful that you refuse to move on.
Be better because of this.
Be stronger because of this.
Be more kind, more compassionate, more giving and loving, and far more aware of time...and life...and loved ones, all because of this!
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