My wife and I have been married for several years and we have never one time, in our personal lives, EVER been a victim of homophobia or hate or ever had anyone say anything negative about our marriage or our family.
The closest we've ever gotten to anything even quasi rude is one time we were holding hands walking around New Orleans, five or six years ago, and some man drove by in his old Chevy pickup truck and yelled "I can love you better baby". LOL We just laughed and yelled back "doubtful". LOL We didn't even consider that to be rude, it was just funny to us. We get that a lot actually.
In all of the years we have been together we have found nothing but a compassionate, loving, accepting world welcoming and embracing us with open arms.
So I started wondering why there were still so many stories about other people being victimized by others just for being gay, when we have experienced nothing but love and acceptance from the people in our world?
Here's a few conclusions I've come to.
First of all, most people say that lesbians are just "more accepted" than gay men. Although I believe a smidgen of this statement may be true, I don't think it's a matter of women v men, as it is gay and lesbians that look more "straight". Hear me out...
I think one of the reasons my wife and I aren't targeted by haters is because we don't look like your typical lesbians. The problem with this misconception is that we actually DO look like your typical lesbians, you just don't realize it! And you don't realize it because all you notice in the world are the women dressed like and acting like men...and so you assume they're gay...and consequently and conversly assume that my wife and I, in our little black dresses and high heels, are not!
Despite what you may have seen or heard you would be shocked to know that most gay men are NOT actually effiminent and most lesbians aren't actually "masculine". The gay community is one place you cannot judge a book by it's cover.
I have a friend that's extremely "masculine"...and she's been married to her husband, whom she's very in love with, for several years now. She says people call her a "dyke" all of the time and it really bothers her that people assume she's gay. But therein lies the problem in itself...people assume she's gay because she's more "masculine" than your average female. People don't even realize she's been married for over twenty years to the same man. And the weird thing is that even after they discover she's married to a man, they still act hateful towards her.
But the truth is they're not hating on her for being gay or straight, they're hating on her for not looking like or acting like a woman. She's a stay at home mom that takes care of her husband in every way possible. Any man in their right mind would kill for a woman like her. Yet she's being hated on for not being feminine. Dyke is not a word used to describe a woman with another woman. I've never in my life been called a dyke. Dyke is a word some people use when referencing women that look like men. It's the word the world uses to point out a lack of femininity in women, not their sexual propensities.
So if you really consider this perspective, you realize that it's not necessarily that some gay and lesbians are being targeted for being gay as much as they're being hated on for not falling into the typical "male/female" roles.
This is truly an interesting concept and understanding and perspective that no one has yet to discuss. It really doesn't have anything to do with anyone being gay as much as it does their refusal to capitulate to societal male/female norms.
To the world, men are supposed to be manly and strong, women are supposed to be feminine and beautiful. And if and when any gay man or lesbian fits within this "norm", the world is far more accepting of their sexual proclivities. However, if they do not, they're attacked....and sure, they may call you a fag or a dyke but what I believe they're honestly having an issue with is their own lack of ability to accept men and women in anything other than traditional "male female" roles.
It's not that you are a man married to another man, I mean come ON, let's be honest, there are a TON of men in Hollywood that have come out of the closet and the world accepts them just fine...the issue is that YOU'RE NOT ACTING LIKE A MAN. It has nothing to do with your sexual proclivities. This is why that show The L Word was so popular. A group of very feminine women, ALL BEING SUPER GAY, but no one cared because they all still very much looked like your typical "woman" is supposed to look. They were all gorgeous and feminine. Think of all of the gay characters on TV. No one cares when they seem "normal".
But what I'm trying to explain here is that "normal" isn't being "straight"...it's being "traditional".
Lets all take a moment and be really honest here. Remove the crazy religious people from the equation, as the world is thankfully doing on this issue anyways...and consider how you would feel if your son or daughter told you they were gay. It's not the fact that they're in love with someone of the same sex that you're concerned with...it's the fact that you instantly believe that they're no longer going to be participating in "normal, traditional male/female" roles in life. It means your sons aren't going to fall in love and get married and have kids, build homes and put up stockade fences after watching Sunday football. It means your daughters are going to start dressing like men and chewing tobacco and trading in their little petite cars for monster trucks, playing softball and getting tattoos. THIS is what you fear. Losing your kids to these misconceptions....and not having grandkids.
But I'm here to tell you that it's not true. For most people you have nothing to fear. Most gay men I know are very manly, very strong, very stable, very much everything you would hope for in any kind of "straight" man. They're just a little cleaner and dress better.
Most lesbians I know are beautiful women that celebrate their femininity, they are still dying to have children, build a family and play house as much as the next girl... they just want to do all of the above without a penis around.
So I want to address both the haters and the lovers out there.
The choices we make are not about our sexuality but about how we choose to display it. The choices we make are not about who we naturally fall in love with but how we look when we're doing it.
I actually believe this country is more okay with gay people then we realize. The PROBLEM IS it has yet to come to terms with gender confusion...and THAT is ultimately the issue at hand!
GAY AND LESBIAN ISSUES IN AMERICA
I never wanted to be a "voice" for these issues. I have spent a great deal of my life turning my back on them and walking away from it all.