ISSUE NUMBER 1:
I used to drive around forever and ever in store parking lots trying to find THE CLOSEST spot I could find by the door. I would literally spend ten solid minutes out in the parking lot, driving around in my car, stalking all of the people coming out, to try and get that prime location.... JUST to ensure that I wouldn't have to walk any more than absolutely necessary.
One day, while engaged in this act of complete lunacy, my spouse said "WHAT IN the hell are you doing? OMG JUST PARK ALREADY".
What was I doing? Um, I was trying to avoid exercise-OBVIOUSLY! HELLO!
But the question is why? Where did I get this idea that we should park as close to the store door as humanly possible, without actually parking inside the store? I'm not sure, I just know that if you go to any given parking lot in any city, Oklahoma you'll see a great deal of people engaged in this exact same act of lunacy. People in Oklahoma will spend 20 minutes in the parking lot and 5 minutes in the store.
Why are people in Oklahoma scared of exercise, or at least collectively under the understanding that "less movement is better"?
I read not too long ago that Oklahoma is leading our nation in obesity and one of the unhealthiest states in America and I'm sorry to say I wasn't shocked by this statistic. In fact, the second I read it I started thinking about all of the funny idiosyncrasies, and inaccurate thought patterns I picked up from growing up in Oklahoma, that I constantly get made fun of for as an adult.
I'll never forget the first time a friend of mine in California asked me if I wanted to go to the gym. I actually laughed out loud with a very condescending and indignant kind of laugh. I was a size 4 and skinny as a bean pole (at the time)...What a stupid question. "Why would I want, OR NEED, to go to the gym"
"Just to be healthy", he said....
"UM, I"M SKINNY, HEEELLLLOOOO, clearly I'm healthy"!
ISSUE NUMBER 2: Being skinny apparently doesn't mean you're healthy! But in Oklahoma I learned that skinny people are healthy and fat people are not. Period.
This just isn't the truth.
This same friend of mine always tried to get me to eat healthier too. Like weird fruit not found in the Great Plains and weird fish (not found in the lake) and other crap like that...yuck!
If you can't put gravy or ranch on it (or wrap it in bacon), you shouldn't be eating it! That's the rule I grew up with!
Next time we go out to eat, I'll just stick with a salad.
"I'll have the fried chicken salad with extra ranch please...THERE, are you happy, I ordered a salad".
ISSUE NUMBER 3: Apparently not all salads are healthy.
What the hell? It's called A SALAD! The pure definition of a salad is "no calories".
For some reason I had this lunatic idea that as long as it had lettuce "on it" or "in it"- it was healthy. As if the lettuce was some super sonic super food that cancelled out all other calories. That's literally how I treated it!
Same with Subway, I'd order a Cold Cut Combo with extra everything, double stack the cheese, load up on the mayo and then, to cancel out all of the calories from ALL of the shit I just piled on high...add the lettuce to keep it healthy!
My friends used to make so much fun of me...but the ultimate sign that I had no clue how to be healthy was when I turned 33 years old and all of the sudden, out of the blue, I actually started gaining weight for the first time in my life and I was at a loss as to how to lose it. Losing weight is NOT as easy as gaining weight, that's for sure (nor is it as fun). This is going to take some time...
In the meantime, I'll just tan all of my fat to make it look nicer. Hey, tan fat is better than NOT TAN fat! RIGHT?
ISSUE NUMBER 4: Apparently tanning isn't good for you either....it causes skin cancer apparently and makes you look 40 years older than you actually are.
OMG kill me! So I can't drive around looking for the closest parking spot, I can't just be "skinny healthy", I can't just eat any ole' salad I want and now I can't tan? What's next? Let me guess...next you're going to say that I have to call myself a smoker just because I smoke cigarettes when I drink alcohol?
ISSUE NUMBER 5: Apparently smoking at all (even if only when you drink) makes you a smoker. LAME!
This is the other thing I picked up in Oklahoma. As long as you don't buy cigarettes by the carton, you're not REALLY a smoker...and if you're not REALLY a smoker, there's no reason to actually quit.
My friend and I went to the store once and I bought a little pack of cigarettes and he said "I had no idea that you smoked", to which I replied "I don't smoke (don't be dramatic), I just smoke when I'm drinking and since we're going out later...."
He was like "UM...you JUST SAID the words 'I don't smoke, I only smoke when I drink'".
YA, what's the problem?
Apparently to the rest of the world that sentence doesn't make any sense?? LOL Smoking at ALL constitutes calling you a smoker period!
But that's what I learned in Oklahoma? I'm sure there are other states that have adopted all of these delusional ideas about life and health but I'm from Oklahoma so I'll stake the claim there.
How did the rest of the country learn these things and I didn't?
Truly, you never know how unhealthy the state is as a whole until you move to a state where people are more collectively active and healthier.
I'll never forget the first time I moved to California and I went to a park and all of these people were running. I couldn't figure out where they were all going.
My friend explained to me that they were all just "jogging".
Listen, if you see me, running you should run too, because it means that someone's chasing me. THAT'S THE THEORY I've always lived by.
Until I turned 40, which was like a minute ago...now I jog daily on my treadmill, I eat salad without dressing (and fish that wasn't caught in a lake), I haven't smoked (non smoked) in over a year, and I purposefully park as far away from the door at any store just so I can burn the extra calories walking in...
"Healthy" is a state of mind...at least that's where it starts anyways....learn it as young as you can...it makes life easier on the way up!
Oklahoma is great too! It's the only state I've been to where you can go to through the Taco Bueno drive through and tell them you want a "coke" and they'll respond by asking you "which kind"....UM Dr. Pepper please!
Only in Oklahoma is "Coco Cola" NOT a brand of soft drink but a word that MEANS "soft drink". LOL
There's a lot of dynamic contradictions in the state. It's also the only state I've lived in where neighbors mow each other's yards. Ya people are THAT friendly there! But it's also the only state where you might get beat up in the church parking lot for taking up two spaces too (that's just rude).
But seriously there's a lot of things about the state of Oklahoma that I love. The people there are friendlier than anywhere else on earth. The state is gorgeous. And if a tornado isn't barreling through it, the weather is usually great...and it's home to the Oklahoma Sooners...truly the entire state is like one big fat happy family (literally).
But perhaps we can work on being ONE (not so big, not so fat) HAPPY FAMILY in the future?
Just a thought :)
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