After having read the story about Christopher Lane (the young man that was shot in Duncan, Oklahoma mid August) on a Facebook post two weeks ago and two days after it happened I decided to go on a video rant about what I perceived to be double standards in racism. 

That particular video rant, completely unexpectedly, was shared about 15,000 times in a week on Facebook and received over 2.5 million views.  My rant wasn't even intelligent.  It was a passionate view of a mixture of feelings and thoughts forming into some random argument I was thinking, as I was talking.  

Not thinking many would see it, I posted it.  Ooops.  

What got me started was the finding that three teenagers, two of whom were black, decided they wanted to "thrill kill....curious what it felt like to kill someone.  Seems random enough....until you realize that they left their predominiately "black neighborhood" and drove to what was known to be a "predominately white" neighborhood to do this "thrill killing".  Months leading up to this moment, the two black kids had been known to "tweet" things like "white people are nasty"....one tweeted that he had killed five white people since Zimmerman's trial.  

The shocking part to me is that the world saw this senseless killing and walked clear away from the idea that it had any racist undertones or intentions.  I find the double standards, when you consider the fact that if the exact same happened with opposite races working here, would have called an all out race war in America.  

I know that the Jesse Jacksons' and Al Sharpton's of this world would have banned together and called an all out war against the "white man" had this exact scenario happened in opposite skin colors.  The fact that every news media outlet, every shock jock, every militant radio Dj, talk show host and activist let the issue go was inciting to me.

I'm assuming by the video rant shares, it was also inciting to a great deal many others as well.  

YES those boys wanted to thrill kill...and the thought of this seems random, and if you leave it at just this, it IS random...but the fact that they decided to LEAVE where they were to drive to a predominately white area to DO that thrill kill is WHAT MAKES THIS AN ACT OF RACISM, loud and clear?

So what was the point of my rant?  To question our countries issues with calling black people racist.  I know many black people that hate white people but it's never questioned and I can't figure out why?  I'm Asian, not black or white and have both friends on all sides of this issue.   I wanted to offer a middle ground perspective on whether or not our country is too afraid to call a black man a racist....

I did this and 99% of people supported me but about 25 people came out militantly against me on this issue calling ME a racist for even considering that black people could be racist.   Am I a racist?  I started to question this.  I found myself taking an internal inventory of my life.  I love Oprah Winfrey, not only did I vote for Obama, I worked on his campaign (both times).  I have a few very close friends that are black and I adore old Southern black traditions and have studied in detailed black history in our country.   

The answer is a resounding NO.  I hate white people more, if I had to choose I suppose but I also feel like it's egregiously unfair that we allow these double standards in our country. 

Black history is such a sensitive subject in our nation.  Is this what has caused our veiws on racism to reverse and go unnoticed?  I still don't know the answer to this.  

You know I never once peeped a word about Paula Dean while she was being mutilated by our media... but for some reason this issue with Chris Lane just made what happen to Paula Dean incite me to a level that I could not keep quiet.    

For me, there's an underlying issue of our refusal, inability or lack of concern for one another enough to stand up for each other.   Paula Dean admitted she said the word "nigger", over 20 years ago and in reference to a black man sticking a gun to her head.  She was raised in the middle of our countries race war in the 60's and has overcome her own personal plight on the race issue herself.  Like most in her era, she grew up with racism running rampant in her life.  But she overcame it, broke through her own personal barriers and became a southern chef.  A southern chef for godsake...southern food is synonymous with BLACK PEOPLE, I'm pretty sure she worked out any actual racism she had during the 30 years she workd predominately around black people while becoming a chef...but I digress.  

What disgusted me was that while her career is plummeting...the world stood by and did nothing.  All of the sudden I realized that the fact that the black activist didn't stand up for her in this moment, when they all came out after the fact and said they were on her side (quietly) made THEM the racist in this situation, NOT PAULA DEAN.  

Perhaps I'm coming off of my own personal issue with this sad fact in this world we live in.  People will friend you and love you and destroy you and watch you blow up in flames and not even offer to piss on you, all in the same conversation.  We live in a world where we have come to love to see the demise of others but again, I digress.  

At the end of the day, I'm still figuring it all out myself....but what I DO know is that I'm not alone in my confusion and anger over it all. 

Why can every rapper say the N word without issue.  How can tv shows and movies say it.  Why can black people say it but if and when it's uttered by a white man (not even Asian or Indian or anyone else, ONLY a WHITE man) it's the most offensive word ever used.  So offensive that someone's livelihood should be destroyed over having whispered it over 20 years ago?  Am I nuts or is this not a double standard on racism?

And are you nuts or does this make me a racist for saying this?  I'm learning and having a personal moment of growth through all of this.  I'm still tyring to figure it all out myself.  How do we help fix this issue?

I had a thought that we could bring it to everyone's attention and then discuss it and move on, perhaps grow together as a society from it...but then again, I'm a dreamer.  

I dont' think I"ll shut up anytime soon on the issue...but I do know I'll be more careful in choosing my words as it's related to it.  I want to be a revolutionist...not a racist.  I want to be an independent observer not a partisan participant with some "agenda".  I have nothing to push, nothing more to share, nothing more to offer other than my own confusion on this issue.  

That's it.